The weight of Compassion."

                                  "The weight of Compassion."

The following is the definition of compassion at Wikipedia:

Compassion (from Latin: "co-suffering") is a virtue — one in which the emotional capacities of empathy and sympathy (for the suffering of others) are regarded as a part of love itself, and a cornerstone of greater social interconnection and humanism — foundational to the highest principles in philosophy, society, and personhood.

Compassion for others is something most of us have, some more than others. However, when does too much compassion become a serious problem? I like to think that my sense of compassion is perfectly balanced. I'd be lying if I said that were true because, such is not the case!

I come from a long line of dysfunction in the family setting. I have and am working hard to break the chain. However, within my journey I have discovered that I am suffering from the weight of my compassion for others!

What does this mean? It simply means that I have replaced my co-dependency issues with an unhealthy dose of way too much compassion! The weight of this compassion on me and my life is very, very heavy. Not only is it heavy but, it's harmful as well.

You see, I took my sense of compassion for others and assumed it to mean that others problems were also my problems! I worried and fret over others situations, seeking a solution for them.

I allowed it to affect me on an emotional and sometimes physical level. I completely threw out any type of personal boundaries what so ever! In doing so, other people's issues totally invaded my life. I was feeling their worry, their pain, and their sorrows, sometimes even more than the person themselves!

My compassion for others simply re-created itself into my former co-dependent relationships. I put myself on the back burner and concentrated on solely on how I would help them and/or how I could fix their problems.

Now some people appreciated my help and welcomed my ideas and other people came to expect my help and let me do all of the work for them! They were taking advantage of me, knowing that it wasn't my place to be handling their personal problems. Those people enjoyed total freedom to do other things and enjoy themselves while I took care of their problems for them!

The weight of compassion can be devastating and it was for me! I was depressed, always moody, sleeping as much as possible, avoiding my family and friends, not handling my business matters or taking care of my, I was always getting sick, and I was absolutely STUCK!! By stuck I mean, that I made no progress towards my journey of healing from my past.

I couldn't, maybe I should say wouldn't accept responsibility for what I was doing to myself and my life. I was in denial about the fact that I had created my reality and all the mess that I was experiencing at the time. It got to a point in which I just wanted to shut down! I had no desire to do anything, talk to anyone, or take care of myself.

I lost so much weight, I never got dressed anymore, barely even showered and didn't bother to do my hair or make-up at all. Then I would get mad if I had to go somewhere and do something, if I couldn't get someone else to do it for me! I didn't want to go out the way I looked and was to lazy to get ready then go.

Needless to say my compassion for others, the weight it brought down on me, was crushing the life right out of my body! Sounds a bit dramatic I know but, I can assure you that it absolutely felt that way to me. So much so that the way I was feeling inside showed up on the outside in my life, to every degree possible!

I was feeling hopeless that is, until someone helped me to see the err of my ways. I was an absolute train wreck at the time and for once I began to see light at the end of the tunnel!! This person whom I call my Wise Fairy Godmother, helped me to recognize the affects that my overly compassionate self had created. She showed me a way to bring my compassion into balance.

I felt an amazing shift within myself and it sparked my desire and my motivation to embark upon the journey I am currently on. What journey you ask? the Journey home to myself - the "Real Me"!! I am finally discovering how to achieve a healthy balance of compassion, how to set personal boundaries, how to heal from my past, discover my internal/learned beliefs and change the ones that are of no benefit to me. All the while, uncovering my authentic self, the "Me" that I have always been but, hid away deep inside to protect myself from my dysfunctional life.

Having lived such a dysfunctional life for so long, I had forgot who the real "Teri" was anymore or how to even find her!! That's where my journey through YOU University comes into play. I have since experienced a tremendous amount of learning, growth, and healing. I continue to experience all of this and so much more to this day.

This whole story of what the weight of compassion has personally cost me, was an assignment. My Wise Fairy Godmother, also known as Maia Berens assigned it to me and I suspect the reason being; to help me continue doing what I am doing in YOU U but, more importantly! to help me from forgetting what,"The Weight of Compassion" was on me!!

"ATTACK OF THE EGO"

I have been in a sort of a funk, for a bit of awhile lately.

I couldn't quite put my finger on why I was feeling this way, until now!

Yeah, I am going through some financial hardships and I am looking for a new home and dreading the thought of having to move. However, I have been in this boat before and as bothersome as these problems are - this situation is different?

I was catching up on the Google Waves last night, reading and posting a couple of comments on some of them. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks!!

My old inner tapes have been playing away and while consciously I am excited and pursuing my goals through YOU U, on a subconscious level, I am doing the exact opposite!!

My old fears, coping mechanisms and thoughts have been wreaking havoc within me! I have been extremely tired, more into TV than usual, & mopey.

I honestly did not recognize it until last night! I was feeling like I was becoming distant, not closer to the group and it upset me greatly! I knew that when I would have any negative thoughts about my journey, I would acknowledge them and them replace them with positive ones.

What I didn't know was that my actions, thoughts & feelings were all a result of my egos desperate attempt to reel me back in. I am up against a battle with my own ego, who for years has programmed me to not step out of my comfort zone, to believe that I am not good enough and will never be successful at anything.

It's frightening to think that my conscious is battling my subconscious! It's exciting for me to now realize that this is what's been going on within me!! With my new found knowledge of this, I can better prepare to fight off my ego's attempts to resist. I will be better equipped to catch on quicker when my ego creeps up.

I am 42yrs. old and I knew going in that this would be difficult at times considering, my years of negative programming. I just wasn't prepared for how clever my ego would be in it's attempts to stop me!

This has been huge for me and has refreshed my drive & enthusiasm for my journey drastically!!!!

I hereby, commit to:

• attend all calls,
• complete all assignments given to me by Maia,
• to give my best to my journey and the responsibilities that come with it,
• to utilize the tools we learned when needed,
• to utilize my friends in deed when I am struggling
• to overcome my old programming
• to love myself enough to be successful & know I deserve it

I will end by saying that, I am truly grateful for this realization and for the increased strength, drive, & ambition that learning this has given me!! :)

MY ARRIVAL IS TAKING PLACE, I AM FINALLY HERE!!

I am experiencing an awareness, a rather large awareness!  I feel this new found self-confidence, this sense of "Knowing" and a feeling that I am arriving - if that makes sense?  

I found yesterday, that in any conversations I had throughout the day; I felt very confident and secure with myself.  It's really hard to explain exactly what the feeling is but, it's good I know that much!


I am still working through the buildings in YOU University and my two classmates have both graduated already.  At first, I used to get upset with myself at how much further ahead they were than me.  I felt like I was slacking and it made me angry with myself. 

I later realized that, all of us are on our own individual journeys and I am working at the exact pace that I am meant to for my journey!  It isn't a race and we all pretty much started at different times anyhow, needless to say I got over it quickly.


I am excited to be at a point in my journey where the transformation is apparent to all who know me.  I've been asked what am I doing, told that I am glowing and even that I look much younger and happy!  Loving it!! lol

It's been just six months since I started in YOU University.  The program is designed to take approximately six months.  Some people will take longer to complete it and some will take less time, either way that is okay.



I just really am proud of myself for sticking with it and not running when I started facing the emotional work!  After all, this is the first time I have ever not quit a program of this nature. By that I mean, a program designed to better myself and deal with unresolved issues.  I just wasn't totally ready and the other programs I attempted to try were closer to what I was looking for but, not enough so to keep my attention.

It's like, each time I found a new program; it was better than the previous one and more of what I wanted.  So, when I finally found YOU University I knew immediately that this was it!  This is the program for me, it has everything I was looking for and more!!


I am about halfway through the program and I will tell you; that with each completed building, my experiences continue to unfold and I love this program!!

LOVE LETTERS

  Before I learned about the "Love Letters" technique, I was notorious for writing letters when I was upset with someone in my family! Of course, I had no format to follow and most of the letters were given to the people. There were some letters, that I didn't give to the person.

I learned this letter writing trick from my parents, mainly my dad. You knew something was up when you got a letter from dad! My dad would give us the silent treatment when he was mad at us and then usually follow it up with a letter. His letters most times, left you feeling pretty crappy!

I can admit that even back then, I always felt better writing a letter and getting the issue off my chest. Even if I didn't give it to the person, I still felt better just writing it. I rationalized it like this, by writing a letter I could make sure to say everything that I wanted to. I would normally forget things if I just tried talking with the person and then left the conversation feeling more upset, that I didn't say all that I wanted too. I also felt that by writing the person a letter they could take the time to read it and process what I had said to them and then we could perhaps talk things over.

I definitely had the right idea, I was just lacking the correct format to use for positive results!! I really love the "Love Letter" technique!

I am thinking about perhaps, first using the "Love Letter" technique prior to talking with the person I am upset with. If I do that first, I feel that I will have gotten a start on feeling better and will be in a better position to discuss the problem without getting real upset and/or heated. I don't mean that I will give the letter to them but, just write it and get it out & off my chest first before approaching them.

I am definitely to the point in my journey, that I am ready to take the necessary steps needed for myself. I am no longer trying to come up with all of these reasons not to just say what I want to, so that the person isn't offended, hurt, or angered.

I have put myself on the back burner for far too long now and that's stopping effectively immediately!! I am growing so much with each day in YOU U, with every call I am on, and importantly with each new tool I learn and use!! Combine all of that with the journaling and all of the support and connection between all of us and WOW!! LOVING IT !!!!!!!!

POINTERS, TIPS & ADVICE for YOU University Students

Once again, it's been awhile since my last entry. I went to bed the other night, only to be bombarded with some information that I felt compelled to get up & write down! I realized it would be great information to share with future YOU University students.

YOU University has been & is such a wonderful, life changing program for me. As I work my way through each building and experience healing, growth, and learning; I have come across some things to share.


I decided to share these tips to help those, who will be embarking upon their journey through the program. I do so to be of help, to share some of what I experienced in hopes of helping to make your journey easier for you.


The following is what I've learned in YOU University:

1. I realized it takes complete focus & consistency throughout.
2. Very important, Do Not
3. I learned that I needed to totally commit to myself to give 100% all of the time & to stick with it, through facing my emotionally charged issues.
4. compare yourself and where you are at in the program to your fellow students. Just work at your own pace & trust that you are right where you need to be!
5. A crucial component is complete honesty, you must remain completely open & honest with yourself. If your not, the only one your hurting is yourself!!
6. Something I discovered during a very tough time in my journey, that helped me big time! It said that experiencing 1 or more of the following manifestations IS PROOF that your self-mastery process is working: 

• An increase in old, dysfunctional behaviors.
• Distinguishable amounts of yelling, crying, talking, excessive activity, physical ailments, or illness.
• Feelings of depression, anxiety, numbness, dissociation, being "Zoned-Out".
• An increase in compulsive behaviors such as alcohol, drugs, sex, food, TV watching.
• Feelings of confusion, uneasiness.
• Feelings of anger, hatred, or resentment.
• Justifications and rationalizations.

That information was found in a book I have had and read most of. None of which truly resonated with me until now!!!

I am sure to come across more but, for now that's what I have.

I hope this information helps my future fellow YOU U students.

Testimonial of Appreciation for YOU University

I am working through YOU University & I really cannot say enough great things about this program, seriously!! The results to date that I have experienced can be noticed not only by myself & the others who are going through the program as well but, my family & friends too.

I found this program by accident or so I thought? I have met the most wonderful people who are so supportive, caring, & all around a great group! I have gained wonderful new friends that are all over the world. California, Oregon, United Kingdom, Australia, and the group continues to grow daily.

Sure, there are a lot of Life Coach training programs out there. But, this one is the most comprehensive one I have come across. You get a great curriculum, add the support of weekly group calls and peer coaching calls then add time on Google Wave & there is pretty much not a time when you cannot get the support you may need or want! Friendships quickly develop & I love having like minded people that get me & what I am trying to do. 

The curriculum is done online at your own pace & it's powerful stuff! I love that the exact material that I will take my clients through is the very material I have completed myself! The tools & techniques I will teach clients, I learned & will use for the rest of my life too.

You don't buy into a program, do the work alone & then send for a certificate of completion. You are never alone & you will earn your certificate but, you will be a better much happier person in doing so!! That's not a promise, it's a fact! If you do the work, participate in the calls & other activities & you are completely honest with yourself when you do the work & give 100% throughout the entire process you learn so much & you reap such priceless rewards.

I absolutely love YOU University & I am loving my journey home to myself. I have come up against resistance & I have learned to recognize it quicker & push through it. I am learning & loving what I learn. It will be used in my own Life Coaching business & in my own life. I look forward to what each new lesson will bring & I greatly anticipate our weekly group calls as well!

WHAT DO YOU WANT YOUR LIFE TO BE ABOUT?

Post Publicly
Post Publicly Thende04 | pop  After giving this topic some more thought, I became very inspired. I realized what an extremely valuable opportunity I have before me!!I am in a position to take my life experience's and use them for a higher purpose. These experiences that are bad memories, that caused me so much pain and in some c more... Thende04 | pop  After giving this topic some more thought, I became very inspired. I realized what an extremely valuable opportunity I have before me!! I am in a position to take my life experience's and use them for a higher purpose. These experiences that are bad memories, that caused me so much pain and in some cases even traumatized me! I have always thought that there had to be more and I just knew deep inside, that I was meant for bigger & better things in my life. My first & foremost goal is and has been to heal, heal from my past as well as my present! I've known that in order to move forward, I would have to face any/all unresolved issues and work through them, in order to heal!! My desire to heal & help others was & is strong enough to do exactly what I need to do. I have a burning desire in the pit of my stomach, a desire to make a difference! And now, because of You University I have the means to do just that!! As I continue on through You U, facing that which has kept me a prisoner in my own mind for so long, the release I feel from working through these painful life experiences, has given me a new lease on life!!! I have wanted to be my own boss and own a highly successful home based business for many years now. However, I was never able to follow through to make it happen. I would take one step forward and then several steps backwards! I pretty much was the only one standing in my own way but, it was easier to make excuses and point the finger. In other words remain in a victim stance! Then it hit me like a ton of bricks, I woke up one day and knew that it was time to get it together for real! I began my search for the missing piece to the puzzle, the thing that would allow me to heal and move forward towards achieving my dreams. Now, I can use growing up in a dysfunctional home with parents who divorced & remarried, parents who were both alcoholics & addicts, to relate to others who may be where I once was! I can use my marriage of 10yrs. in which I was abused physically, mentally, & emotionally to reach out to other woman who are emotionally scarred and in need of help! As my wise Fairy Godmother once said: "Your Life Experiences Are Your Credentials!" In that case I am proud to say that I have many, many more credentials with which to reach out & share what I have and am learning! I have the ability to reach a broad variety of people who may be experiencing one of the many Life Experiences I have went through. To know that I can relate to so many different situations and I come from an authentic place of truly wanting to help others and make a positive impact in the biggest way possible. Well, that is my driving force and I look forward to being the best damn "You University Life Coach" I can be!!